New outlook

The clouds have lifted and what remains is a stronger me. :) Life still is the same but my attitude has changed.A friend of mine once said that you know when the cloud has lifted when one day you stub your toe on the table and you laugh. That happened to me today. I forget what I did I think I ran into my bath tub lol and I was like nice and laughed. :) I am trying to conquer my hatred for school by trying classes I enjoy. I am taking a gender studies class and a literature analysis class. My new plan is to major in Literature. Which is odd bc I really don't like reading. But somehow every English/lit Ive taken at college Ive made A's. I no longer regret 2009 because I found myself in a lot of ways. I do look forward to 2010. I want to prove to myself that yes I do belong in college and yes there is someone out there for me. Its just not the right time and I am ok with waiting. Going to have to say I am happy to have the old me back.Actually scratch that....the old me is gone. This is a new Jenny..stronger, and more hopeful of the future. I am also really proud of myself.

Well.....

Hey everyone! Its been a few months so I thought Id update. My life has been pretty crappy these last few months. School is horrible and I have had my heart broken twice. I can only say that what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger. I want 2009 to end so 2010 can begin and maybe life will be better for me. This year I have been to the doctor 5 times! I last visited before this the doctor in 2000 for a physical for college. Sooooo that's a hell of a time. I am failing both my classes but I think I can make a passing grade in one. I have completely lost faith in myself and the idea of college. But I have decided to change majors because well obviously brain sciences aren't for me. I am fine now a bit jaded but ok. Work sux and I wish I had a different manager. Soooo lol hows your life going??? :) Aren't ya glad I decided to update ya lol

***UPDATE*** Like 4 hours later update hahahaaa Ain't I cute :P
This just seemed way to negative to just leave up. So I wanted to add some positive things.Although I suck at UTD I did get in. My car is paid off now and I got some major flirting done by a sexy fedex man. BTW he says merry happy thanksgiving to you lol well no just to me but I am passing it along......hes funny and did i mention FINE! I know compared to many people my health is good and I shouldn't complain to much. Work is uber annoying but I am lucky to have a job that pays well with benefits. We actually have hired a whole new crew pretty much and I like most of them. Hmmmm anything else I can add...I lost focus her for th past few months and I am trying really hard to get it back by next semester. School to me is no longer that fun...but really come on its school lol But none the less I need to stop worrying about social time and get back to the books. So all I can do is finish up this semester take my horrid grades and make a promise to myself that this will never happen again.

school a go go

I am more confused then ever. Can stupid people get through college?? I'm kidding kind of. Man UTD is really hard. I am also rethinking my major. I love the helping part of psychology but not the science part. Its all about the brain this semester for me. Which I need to learn but I just don't know if its the right field for me. It freaks me out that I am not enjoying my time at school. All I have to hold on to is the dream of a college degree. I feel like I have been holding my breathe all my life waiting to graduate college. What if I can't make it? What if I wont be able to complete it? I love school...well I like being there. UTD is such a community and I feel part of something big. But then I get into class and my professor is talking about neuroscience and neuropsychology and I freak out. This is only an intro class and only sophomore level. At some point I actually have to take a neuroscience class. UTD is for all the smart folks that wanna major in something crazy like astroscience (if thats a field lol) . I feel like I don't belong. I also fear that I can not do this. I just feel so frustrated and I am scared to fail. I'm still going but I don't know where I am headed.

Update

Matt now has my phone number......enough said

Why not

Hey everyone a few things have happened lately but first I really wanted to share this story. You know my little fed ex guy(Matt) right?? All scenarios aside he is really nice and I appreciate the attention. He just seems genuinely happy to see me. Maybe its a little sis kind of thing but its neat. Anyways here a little back story. I was off from work last mon-fri basically. I was at work on friday but Matt didn't see me. Anyways so he comes in Monday night. I am folding some sleepers and he walks past me and gives me this odd look. Like he hadn't seen me in years. I wasn't thinking there was anyway he had noticed I was gone. But I was wrong. Here is how the convo went....
He was leaving the store with abt 3 med sized boxes and a few other packages on top. Just holding them and chattin with me hehehe So he walks to where I was standing and.
Matt:So your the one that just had a birthday right?
Me: Yep
Matt: How old did you turn?
Me: 27
Matt: Wow that's old. Better get that hair color out. Well I am 32*. (he told me some story here abt him at the barber shop getting shaved and seeing grey hairs haha)
Me: I am sure I just giggled
Matt: Hey we should start applying for our senior citizen discounts
Me: Yeah hey that get some good discounts
Matt: hahaha yeah! Well happy belated birthday *insert wink*
Me: Have a great day bye

ok the * at him telling me he was 32. I didn't ask lol I think he just wanted me to know :) After awhile I said something to my store manager that Matt had asked me abt my birthday. She said that yeah he had asked about me while I was gone!!!!!!! How awesome is that?? I know calm down but wow I was literally smiling the rest of the day. The last bit of the story happened on Wed. I was off the day before(tues) Matt delivered and I answered the back door. We chit chatted about the amount of shipment. We weren't sure of how many bpxes we got the day b4 but Matt said today's amount was similar. Mindless chat really lol So I said well I wasn't here so I wasn't really sure. He said yeah I noticed I missed ya *smiles* Can u believe that. Hahahahaaaaaaaaa weeeeeeee ok now that I am all happy giggly I am going to bed. Tomorrow starts hell weekend aka tax free weekend. I am dreading it 9-5 fri 9-6 sat and 11-730 sun. It wont be pretty people it wont be at all :(

Update

Well as most of you know I had a fantastic birthday.Saturday night had dinner with friends and a few coworkers. It was a blast. Sunday had lunch with the family. I also went clothes shopping for school. That was fun. The only bad thing about this weekend/week is my back and leg are hurting again. I have been pretty ok kind of just managing my pain. Most of my days off have been spent by me sleeping. Which is a good vacation but I wish I could go out and enjoy being away from work. But of course it freaks me out that its back. I mean I knew it was over just hopeful that the worst had come and gone. Anywho I scheduled an appointment with my regular doctor on Tuesday for a re-evaluation. Cha ching.$$ Maybe another MRI Cha Ching $$ and then maybe just maybe I will get it figured out again $$ Awwww to be in good health again...I miss those days. I remember when it was just my feet that hurt.

No Bueno for Me

Hahahaa felt Spanish tonight....ha. Well I had a bad day at work yet again. I have decided to take the scary plunge into a job search. I just can not be at hanna anymore. My boss is mean and you never know her mode one day to the next. My assistant manager(who will be at my bday dinner me and my big mouth) is an idiot and treats me like a 2 yr old. I realized that I work to damn hard for these people to be treated like ****. It is very scary having to make the decision to not only quit but to find a new job. Don't worry people I am not going to leave til I find new work. Which I wont even start looking until after school starts and I can sit down and figure out how much $$ I need. I do not plan on going back into management. They just opened a big beautiful new Lane Bryant up the street. I am just thinking out loud but I do not want to be at hanna in 2010. But who knows. I know the economy sucks but I just need enough money to get by so maybe I could take something part time. Who knows....well only 4 days til my birthday. Wohohooo